Noor Says NoHow do you talk to your child about private parts?
Sources reviewed on November 1, 2026. Based on public advice, see below.
Use the proper names, and teach that private parts are the parts usually covered by a swimsuit. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises this because made-up names can give the idea that those parts are bad or a secret. Then explain OK and not-OK touches, with the doctor as the exception you talk through.
Why use the real words?
The AAP says to teach proper names for all body parts, including penis, vagina, breasts and buttocks. Made-up names may give the impression that these parts are bad or cannot be talked about. Say the words as calmly as you say knee or elbow.
What counts as private?
The AAP describes private parts as those usually covered by a swimsuit. They should not be looked at or touched without your child's permission. Your child should also not look at or touch other people's bodies without permission.
What is an OK touch, and what is not?
The AAP gives wording you can use:
- An OK touch is a way for people to show they care for and help each other, like when caregivers help with bathing or toileting, or when a doctor checks that a body is healthy. Most touches are OK touches.
- A not-OK touch is one your child does not like, one that hurts, or one that makes them uncomfortable, confused or scared. So is any touch that has to do with private parts outside of care.
What should your child do then?
Say no, and tell you or another trusted grown-up. The AAP notes that inappropriate touch by a trusted adult can be very confusing for a child, so remind them often. Add that they will not be in trouble for telling. See what to do if your child tells you something.
What about the doctor?
Explain it before a visit. The book says it this way: "Only a doctor may sometimes look, and then Mama or Papa is there too." That gives your child a clear picture of what normal looks like.
Frequently asked questions
Is this too early for a 4-year-old?
No. The AAP says you can start as soon as your child can talk. Keep it short and matter of fact.
What if my child says these words in public?
That is normal for a young child. Explain that some words are for home and for the doctor. Stay calm so the words do not start to feel shameful.
Keep reading
- Is playing doctor normal for young children?
- How do you talk to a young child about sex?
- How do you teach your child to say no?
All topics are in the overview of parents' questions. The big picture is in the guide How do you explain to your child what is safe and what is not?. Want to practice this with your child? That's why the picture book Noor Says No was made.
Sources
Each source was read on November 1, 2026. These organizations are not connected to this site or the book.
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Sexual Behaviors in Young Children: What's Normal, What's Not?.
- CDC: About Child Sexual Abuse.
This is general information, not a replacement for professional help. Worried about a child? In the US, call or text Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453. In the UK, call the NSPCC at 0808 800 5000. Immediate danger: call 911 or 999.
