Noor Says NoHow do you explain to your child what is safe and what is not?
Sources reviewed on November 1, 2026. Based on public advice, see below.
Use rules about behavior, not about types of people. Safe feels fine, and Mama or Papa knows about it. Not safe is when someone wants you to come along without asking, asks you to keep a secret, wants to touch your private parts, or doesn't stop when you say stop. Practice with one question: what would you do?
Why behavior and not people?
Because a child can't see who is dangerous, and neither can you. KidSmartz suggests telling your child to pay attention to what people do, not to how they look. CDC says about 90% of child sexual abuse is by someone known and trusted. A rule about what someone does works with everyone.
Which six signs do you teach?
It is not safe when someone:
- wants you to go with them without your parent knowing. KidSmartz: "It's important for you to get my permission before going anywhere with anyone." Your child says, "I ask first."
- asks you to keep a secret you can never tell. KidSmartz: "Tell me right away if anyone asks you to keep a secret." Your child says, "I'm going to tell."
- wants to touch or look at your private parts, or take pictures of them. The AAP says that it is never OK for anyone to do this without permission. Your child says, "Stop, I don't want this."
- doesn't stop when you say stop. Stop It Now lists ignoring a child's limits as a behavior to take seriously. Your child walks away and tells.
- offers you something for coming along or for doing something, like candy, money or free coins. NCMEC names candy and money among the most used methods in abduction attempts. Your child asks first.
- asks online for a photo, your password or your address, or wants to meet. KidsHealth's list says never to share these. Your child shows a grown-up.
Safe is the opposite: it feels fine, anyone may know about it, and your parent knows.
How do you explain OK and not-OK touches?
The AAP's words: an OK touch is a way for people to show they care and help, like a caregiver at bath time or a doctor checking that a body is healthy. Most touches are OK.
A not-OK touch is one your child doesn't like, or one that hurts or makes them feel uncomfortable, confused or scared. See how to talk about private parts.
How do you practice?
With "what would you do?" Pick situations that fit the age:
- A lady at the school gate says Mama sent her. What would you do?
- A man asks you to help look for his puppy.
- Mr. Hill next door says, "Come on in, I have something fun for you."
- Uncle Ben wants a big kiss, but you don't want to.
- Someone in a game asks how old you are and where you live.
These situations are from the picture book Noor Says No, which has 25, each with the question and then Noor's answer.
What can your child say?
- "No, I won't do that!"
- "I ask first."
- "What's our password?"
- "Stop, I don't want this."
- "I'm going to tell."
What if it goes differently in real life?
Practice isn't a test. If your child freezes or says yes, it's never their fault. Say so, in those words. For the bigger picture, read the guide to helping keep your child safe.
Frequently asked questions
How do you explain a stranger to a young child?
Explain what people do rather than who they are. Someone who wants you to come along without asking is not safe, even if you know them.
Which words work for touches?
The AAP uses OK touch and not-OK touch. Add that your child can always say so, and always tell, if a touch feels wrong.
How often should you practice?
Short and often beats one big talk. The AAP says to talk early and often. Use everyday moments, like a story or something that happened at school.
All questions for this guide
- How do you talk to your child about private parts?Proper names, OK touches and not-OK touches.
- Good secrets and bad secrets: how do you explain the difference?Three questions your child can ask about any secret.
- How do you teach your child to say no?Short sentences, role play and one clear rule.
- How do you teach your child to trust their gut?Name the feeling, and make telling the rule.
- Your child won't hug or kiss a relative: is that OK?Yes. What to say to your child, and to the relative.
- How do you talk to a young child about sex?Find out what the question is, then answer it honestly.
- Is playing doctor normal for young children?What is normal, what to say, and when to ask for help.
- Peer pressure: how can a young child say no to a dare?Think it through ahead of time, and practice a short no.
- Is stranger danger still good advice?Not on its own. Teach what people do, not who they are.
All topics are in the overview of parents' questions.
Sources
Each source was read on November 1, 2026. These organizations are not connected to this site or the book.
- National Center for Missing & Exploited Children: KidSmartz: rethinking stranger danger.
- CDC: About Child Sexual Abuse.
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Sexual Behaviors in Young Children: What's Normal, What's Not?.
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Talking to Your Child About Sex.
- Stop It Now: Behaviors to Watch Out for When Adults are with Children.
- National Center for Missing & Exploited Children: Tips for Parents: Preventing Abduction (PDF).
- Nemours KidsHealth: Internet Safety for Kids & Teens.
- National Center for Missing & Exploited Children: Tips for Parents: Safety Scenarios (PDF).
This is general information, not a replacement for professional help. Worried about a child? In the US, call or text Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453. In the UK, call the NSPCC at 0808 800 5000. Immediate danger: call 911 or 999.
