Noor Says NoYour child won't hug or kiss a relative: is that OK?
Sources reviewed on November 1, 2026. Based on public advice, see below.
Yes, that is OK. The American Academy of Pediatrics says not to force or guilt children into hugs or kisses, even for grandma or grandpa. Offer another way to say hello or goodbye, like a high five or a thumbs up, and tell the relative ahead of time.
Why not just make them give the hug?
Because you want your child to learn that their body is theirs to control. The AAP calls that body autonomy, and says it is OK for a child to tell even grandma or grandpa that they do not want to give a kiss or a hug goodbye.
Pediatrician Bronwen Carroll, MD, writes that it is "not only acceptable, but advisable" not to force children to hug relatives. A public radio report from 2022 notes that many developmental pediatricians say the same.
What can your child do instead?
Teach another way to show affection and respect. The AAP names high fives and a thumbs up. A wave works too. Let your child pick before you arrive, so there is no scene at the door.
What do you say to the relative?
Keep it light and short. Something like this: "We let her decide about hugs. She'd love to give you a high five." Say it ahead of time if you can. Most relatives mean well. The point is the rule, not the person.
What if an adult keeps insisting?
Step in, kindly and clearly. Stop It Now lists this as a behavior to watch for: an adult who insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling or holding a child even when the child does not want it.
One pushy moment does not make someone dangerous. A pattern of ignoring a child's limits is worth taking seriously. Read how to spot an adult who crosses boundaries.
What happens in the book?
In situation 7, Uncle Ben says, "Come here, give your uncle a big kiss!" Noor doesn't want to today. "I'd rather do a high five!" she says, and Mama nods. Uncle Ben laughs and gives her a high five back.
Frequently asked questions
Is this rude to grandparents?
Some relatives may feel hurt at first. The AAP's advice still stands: do not force or guilt a child. A high five or a wave is a polite way to say hello.
What if my child wants to hug sometimes?
Then they hug. The rule is that your child decides each time. Wanting a hug on Sunday does not mean owing one on Monday.
Does this apply to me as a parent?
Yes, as far as you can. Routine care, like bathing, is still needed. The AAP calls that an OK touch, a way for caregivers to help.
Keep reading
- How do you teach your child to say no?
- How do you spot an adult who crosses boundaries with children?
- How do you talk to your child about private parts?
All topics are in the overview of parents' questions. The big picture is in the guide How do you explain to your child what is safe and what is not?. Want to practice this with your child? That's why the picture book Noor Says No was made.
Sources
Each source was read on November 1, 2026. These organizations are not connected to this site or the book.
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Sexual Behaviors in Young Children: What's Normal, What's Not?.
- Psychology Today, Bronwen Carroll, MD: Doctor's Orders: Your Kids Don't Have to Hug Anyone.
- WVPE, from WBUR and NPR: Pediatricians remind parents: Don't force kids to hug and kiss relatives (2022).
- Stop It Now: Behaviors to Watch Out for When Adults are with Children.
This is general information, not a replacement for professional help. Worried about a child? In the US, call or text Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453. In the UK, call the NSPCC at 0808 800 5000. Immediate danger: call 911 or 999.
